


Medicine

by milk_honey



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, M/M, Overdosing, Pills, Sad Ending, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, and shit, im so sorry, its just very sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-20
Updated: 2016-02-20
Packaged: 2018-05-22 01:35:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6065767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milk_honey/pseuds/milk_honey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>That little brown jar...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Medicine

**Author's Note:**

> Listen to Medicine by Daughter while reading for full effect.

They were ten when Bokuto first saw it. The little jar was left alone on the kitchen counter at Kuroo’s house, and it glowed. The light trespassed the brown glass and made it look almost like a jewel, showing only the silhouette of the spherical pills that rested inside.  
“What is that?” He asked, reaching with his little fat hand, trying to touch it.  
Kuroo didn’t even bother to look at it, throwing the ball at the floor and waiting for it to come back. “It’s my mum’s.” He said.  
“Yes, but what is it?” Bokuto insisted, glancing at his new friend.  
They had met a few weeks ago at a camp and he was already his “bestest friend forever mum, he’s really cool, and he plays volley too!”  
“Medicine. I don’t know, just leave it.” Kuroo snapped, a bit annoyed. But his frown disappeared into a smile with that quickness that only happens with children. “Hey I betcha I can totally win you in a match.” He smiled.  
“Nuh-uh.” Bokuto answered, his thoughts already far away from the small pill bottle, now abandoned by the two children, who were already racing to the street.  
“I’m going to be the best blocker in the world someday, y’know?” Kuroo smiled proudly.  
"Really?" Bokuto opened his eyes in awe and the other nodded like it was serious business. "Well, then I'll be the best spiker in the world."  
They spent the afternoon playing in between dreams and promises and the little brown mystery didn't cross Bokuto's mind once again.

The second time they were 16. They were hanging on Kuroo's house, playing video games on his room, when Bokuto stood up to go get something and saw it to the night table.  
"Dude, what's that for?"  
"Uh?" Kuroo's eyes were still glued to the screen. "What’s what for?"  
Bokuto picked up the bottle to show him, reading the label almost accidentally. The bolded thick lines of the letters contrasted with the crystal’s clarity.  
Kuroo turned, amused, but his facial expression changed the moment he saw the jar, his eyes almost stating fear.  
“It-It’s just medicine… Leave it.” And, as if nothing happened, pulled Bokuto back to the floor, tossing him a controller.  
Something wasn’t exactly right, so Bokuto just sat and played, forgetting about whatever he had wanted to get before.  
He did ask about it again at the end of the day, when they were both so tired their eyes hurt and couldn’t play anymore. Kuroo didn’t answer at first, and then he just cried, admitting the pills were his.  
“Is that why you have been acting so weird lately? Are you sick?” Bokuto asked. And, after a few minutes of total silence except for Kuroo’s quiet weep, moved closer and put his arms around him. He held Kuroo until he stop crying, and even after that, until his mum called for him to go home, trying way too hard not to blush because of how close they were. He never got to know what the pills were for.

They were 19 when he saw it for the last time. It was dark when he got to Kuroo's house, which wasn't strange, his bedroom always seemed to be fused with the darkness; but he could feel something was off.  
I think he even knew it before leaving practice. That'd be the reason he almost didn't say goodbye to Akaashi, like he was in huge rush. He probably knew it already yesterday night, when Kuroo's texts seemed uninterested, dull. Maybe even some weeks ago, when he started acting weird again.  
But he wasn't thinking of any of that in that moment, his mind a buzzing mess as he escalated his way up Kuroo's room after sneaking in by the back door.  
If he had thought the house felt dark, Kuroo's room was even darker. At first he couldn't see anything at all and he stumbled his way in, swinging the door and stepping on something that exploded with a loud crash.  
Then his eyes got adapted and he could see the thing he had smashed. It was the little brownish jar of pills, broken, empty.  
He saw Kuroo laying on the floor at the same time he recognized the smell of blood. But, as strange as it seems, his brain didn't relate those two things at first. He couldn't think at all and just stood there for a few seconds before it hit him like a train.  
It smelled like blood. Kuroo was there too. It was Kuroo's blood. Kuroo was laying on the floor, with blood on his wrists and he was not moving.  
Bokuto whispered his name, expecting a reaction, expecting him to open his eyes, smile with that annoying laugh and say something silly. Laugh at him for biting his joke. But he didn't answer.  
And suddenly he was on the floor too, by him, shaking Kuroo, screaming, trying to get a reaction.  
"Please don't... Please, please, please... " he repeated, while desperation and realization took over him.  
“Don’t…” his voice started to rise. “You're so much more than this, you can have everything you hear me? Remember when I met you? You told me you'd be the best blocker I'd ever seen. Get up kuroo, go and do it, please get up... Move dammit!!” He screamed. “You can start again I swear!!”  
Tears started rolling down his face, all of it red and puffy and in a such a gesture it looked like he was going to explode. But he couldn’t feel any of that, just the fact that Kuroo’s body felt cold.  
His anger seemed to wear off then, and he collapsed, hugging him.  
“Let’s go home, please come home with me…” he whispered. “It's okay, you can still be what you want to, I won't even get mad, answer me... Don't die Kuroo, please don't die…”  
He couldn't breathe. And Bokuto found himself wondering how a feeling could weigh this much, because it was crushing his chest, destroying his bones. And he wanted it to stop, he wanted Kuroo to wake up, but he wasn't answering, he wasn't moving at all. So he just stayed there, lying on the floor, shaking Kuroo's body, shaking himself, crying, screaming, waiting for it to stop. It didn't. And the only other movement in the room came from a tiny, crushed, brownish bottle of pills, rolling up to Kuroo's feet.  
He didn’t remember texting Akaashi, he didn’t remember the ambulance lights either, but suddenly both things were there, one taking care of him, the other taking care of Kuroo.   
“I loved him.” He whispered against Akaashi’s neck. They gave both of them a sheet, but his was made of cotton, and Kuroo’s was plastic. “I loved him and I wasnt there, I just... How could I do that to him..."  
He heard the other say something among the lines of “don’t blame yourself, Bokuto-san” but he couldn’t quite listen to it. His mind was filled up in an almost painful manner with one word. One name.

**Author's Note:**

> I am so so sorry


End file.
